From the Bench

 

THERE OUTTA BE A LAW!! WELL, MAYBE NOT

My most recent column addressed some of the recent shenanigans of the Georgia Legislature. After getting involved recently with the laws governing education and the medical profession, my mind hasn’t changed. In fact, my convictions are stronger than ever. We have too many laws complicating our lives.

A week or so back, I attended a legislative forum in Athens, hosted by our Northeast Georgia legislative delegation. The purpose was to hear from the public about this year’s state budget. The meeting was dominated by health-care professionals and educators. (I immediately felt out of place.)

The hue, cry, and whine was universal: "Don’t let them take it away!" Money, that is.

It was symptomatic of what is wrong with this country. Our lives, and our livelihoods, have become so tied to the purse strings of federal and state bureaucrats and politicians that we have come to depend on their decisions, friendships, and whims for survival.

Government has become the major stumbling block to what we originally thought this country was about…..freedom to succeed or fail based on our ability, our work ethic, and our decisions. And, when we failed, the freedom to get up and try again.

No more. Take medicine, for example. Today, you must jump through legal hoops before you can do anything. Witness the recent closure of a medical facility in our hometown by a medical monopoly. All in the name of "the law." But enough on that subject for the time being.

The same is true in education. Even more so. The federal government has so tied the hands of our teachers, ably assisted by state governments that must have federal funding to survive, that more time is spent in "planning" (READ: paperwork), and adhering to dumbed-down one-size-fits-all "guidelines" than is allowed for what the teachers trained to do, that is, teach.

What we need is more candidates to run on a platform declaring, "I will do my utmost to see that we pass no more laws!" I hereby declare!

On a less serious side (FINALLY, you say), I have recently come upon some laws that make the absurdity of the Georgia legislature’s green tree frog pale into insignificance. Here are a few of the "better" ones:

In my home state of Tennessee, it is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish. (I think dynamite is still OK.)


It’s illegal in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex. (Damn!)


In Alabama, it is illegal to put salt on a railroad track. (I can think of no other state than Alabama where this law would be needed.)


From "Loony Laws", this one: In Clawson, Michigan, there is a law making it LEGAL for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens. (Notice, they left out "sheep")


A Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that’s on fire. (Won’t they EVER forget that fire?)

It’s safe to make love while parked in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren’t allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times, and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate. (A bumper sticker I saw on a van put it more succinctly: If it’s rockin’, Don’t come knockin’)


And this one from Massachusetts: Mourners may not eat more than three sandwiches at a wake. (Now you know why there are so few Baptists in Massachusetts.)

 

In closing, Will Rogers, a long-ago humorist and writer, perhaps said it best. He wrote that every time a congressman told a joke, it became law, and any time congress passed a law, it was a joke.


Ó2004        Dave Nelson

 



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