From the Bench

SAY IT AIN'T SO, MARTHA

(ed. Note: In 1919, the "then" Chicago Black Sox "threw" the World Series, leading to the banishment of eight Chicago players, one of whom was "Shoeless" Joe Jackson. A cartoon at the time depicted a small boy pleading with Jackson, "Say it ain’t so, Joe.")

*******************************

The shenanigans that are going on in the corporate world and on Wall Street have uncovered some rogues who are beginning to make even the politicians look honest.

The latest tarnished angel is none other than Martha Stewart, who has smiled her way into almost every American home, hearth, and heart, showing us how to cook, sew, paint, dig, plant ….you name it…and leaving us to wonder, "Is there ANYTHING this woman cannot do?"

Now it appears that Martha has been caught with her hand in the wrong cookie jar, leaving many of us asking, "Would you eat a casserole made by this woman?"

Martha’s problem, or alleged problem, has to do with what is known in the stock market as "insider trading." This is the unlawful practice of trading a stock (either buying or selling) based on knowledge, which has not yet been disclosed to the general public.

Martha sold a quarter of a million dollars worth of biotech stock ImClone in late December at nearly sixty dollars a share. It is alleged that the president of the company, a close friend to Miss Stewart, warned her about some bad news that was forthcoming.

Martha denies any wrongdoing; nevertheless, two days after she sold, "ImClone" became "ImPlode", falling like a badly jarred pound cake. It now litters the floor at under ten dollars a share.

Martha was thus rescued from a potential loss of approximately two hundred thousand dollars, which isn’t a lot when you are worth half a billion; however, corporate and individual greed know no bounds, whether a hundred or a million. And if we can believe a recent uncomplimentary biography, Martha never met a dollar she didn’t like.

Unfortunately, Martha Stewart is only the tip of the iceberg in the continuing saga of corporate greed. Enron, Tyco, Merrill-Lynch…the list continues to grow. And just this week, WorldCom dropped the biggest bombshell of all, announcing hidden losses of four billion…yes, that’s BILLION…. dollars.

More and more, investors are abandoning the stock market as mistrust and suspicions grow, leaving us wondering if you can trust anybody anymore.

Next thing you know, even the comforting smile of Martha Stewart looking down amid the blue-light specials at Kmart might disappear, if that venerable retailer were to go belly up.

THEY HAVE? You’ve gotta be kidding.

Gracious goodness! Say it ain’t so, Martha. Say it ain’t so.

Ó2002 Dave Nelson

For previous columns, go to "Archives"

This page has been accessed times since Monday, June 24, 2002