From the Bench

 

MY EGO AND I

 

 

This past week, I was reminded of a unique quality of human nature. People don’t like to be asked questions. Elected officials, especially, don’t like to be asked questions.

The latest incidents, two or three public meetings, got me to thinking why this should be so, and I believe I have the answer……at least part of it.

It has to do with the human ego. All of us have one, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, if you don’t have much of one, chances are you won’t accomplish much in life.

The word "ego" derives from the Latin personal pronoun "ego", which means "I". (I have now depleted my knowledge of the classic languages.)

Ego has to do with what you think of yourself, your self-image. (I have now extinguished my range of personal psychology.)

I was having lunch with a preacher one day, and he volunteered that "preachers have egos, too". (I wanted to shout "Amen", but he was a good friend, and I didn’t want to offend him.)

So, not even men of the cloth are immune, and it is not all bad. Where it gets bad is when we get carried away with our self-importance.

This happens often in public meetings, when egos butt heads. The public official already has his share, by dint of his election; therefore, he IS "the public". Then along come some citizens, convinced that they could do a better job, eager to grasp some of the limelight, loaded with a full plate of ego, and an occasional embarrassing question, to throw at the adversary.

Thus we come to these public gatherings with an atmosphere ready-made for conflict.

And conflict is often productive; however, meetings could be much more productive, and conflict minimized, if egos on both sides were held in check.

I have seven suggestions as to how this can be accomplished, depending on which side of the table you are on:

1. Officials: Don’t assume that every question has malicious intent.
2. "Concerned" Citizen: Ask questions to learn or inform, not to argue.
3. Both: Know your limitations before you speak.
4. Both: Listen at least twice as much as you talk.
5. Either: Assume that your adversary knows as much about the subject as you. If you listen long enough, he may prove your assumption to be false, making your job much easier.
6. Officials: When you make a mistake, admit it as soon as possible and cut your losses.
7. Both: Be willing to change your mind.


There will be times in public meetings when you have the good fortune of a reporter present. He will no doubt be more knowledgeable than all the others put together; however, by modestly keeping his ego in check, so as not to embarrass the opposing sides, he will act as a stabilizing influence.

(This is MY story, thank you. My ego and I will tell it as we please. And don’t interrupt us. We are still debating suggestion #4.)

Ó2002        Dave Nelson



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