From the Bench

PICKING THE PUBLIC POCKET

Well, the poor, impoverished baseball players are threatening to go on strike. And the poor, impoverished owners are threatening to let them.

Many sports fans are weeping and wringing their hands; however, the sports writers are gleeful, no matter how many crocodile tears they shed. Reporters, most of them at least, are lazy by nature, jealous of rich folks, and are always looking for subjects to give them no-brainer copy. And with this one, they don’t even have to endure smelly jocks.

I am no exception. The Georgia Legislature. Roy Barnes. Martha Stewart. All smelly by nature; however, they have provided large, appetizing targets in the past.

But this time it’s different. I do not want to antagonize either side in this scrap, owners or players.

Why? Well, it’s simple. I want in on the act. These two groups have suckered the public for years and years, picking our pockets to transfer more money into theirs.

I admire them. Their skills exceed those they display on the field or in the boardrooms.

The players threaten to strike, and the fans begin to cry about "no World Series"; or, if they are not football fans, worry about what new excuse they will have to come up with to avoid the leaky plumbing and the scaling paint.

The owners, on the other hand, go for bigger game. If the city fathers balk on a new fifty-million-dollar stadium with plenty of sugar for the owners, the owners threaten to pick up their "toys" and leave town. Or sell out and run for president.

So the taxpayers end up paying through the nose for a new stadium on the premise that it will pay for itself through more business. This is often a lie, as some economic studies show; but the hotels and restaurants promote the myth, and the newspapers go along, because it is good advertising and good copy.

And the over-cliched "Joe Sixpack", who is not noted for his analytical skills anyway (except on nighttime sports talk programs), gets to pay twice, although he swears at the time that he will never darken the stadium again.

This is beautiful, and I want a piece of the pie; therefore, I hereby make this announcement to my readers, the City of Royston, and Franklin County. Unless I start getting $100 per month from each of my readers, and unless the City of Royston and Franklin County buy me two more computers, more web space, and provide an office with a full-time secretary, neganews.com will delete all names from its email site, move to Elberton, and start all over.

HELLO! HELLO! Isn’t ANYBODY out there listening?